I hate to say it out loud, but I'll admit it anyway:
I'm terrified of fat and prejudiced against overweight people.
Yeah, it's not an easy confession to make. Just typing it makes me disgusted with myself. How can I - a physician in training who tries to practice unconditional compassion - be empathetic toward people who inject drugs, engage in violence, and expose their children to secondhand smoke, and still have difficulty accepting a variety of body shapes and sizes?
Not everyone gains weight by their poor choices. Medical conditions, emotional and psychiatric difficulties, drug side effects, low socioeconomic status, poor sleep...lots of factors can contribute to gaining and maintaining weight. Furthermore, researchers aren't completely convinced that being overweight is necessarily bad for us health-wise.
So why all the hate?
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| This is ass-kicking sweat. |
I suspect it has a lot to do with hating in others what one sees in
oneself. I'm overweight, and for me it is a reflection of failure of
self-care. I gained weight by eating poorly and being sedentary. Other factors came into play - particularly, having my arm in a sling for months - but ultimately I made some poor choices that didn't serve me well.
With all that said, you can imagine that I was a tiny bit disappointed when I agreed to a GoodLife date with Danya, only to find that our Body Combat instructor was significantly overweight.
And then I got my ass soundly kicked.
Yeah, this was probably the hardest GoodLife class I've ever done, and the instructor was fun, funny, and super fit. This challenge is turning into 365 Revelations About Health, Fitness, and Errors in Thinking.
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| Hopefully I'll have as many revelations on the NBME. |
Hey Sarah! Love your blog.
ReplyDeleteAs someone who has about 70 pounds yet to lose, I must tell you that I too judge other overweight people! How messed up is that? I think you're very right about disliking in others what we don't like about ourselves. I often think along the lines of: "I could never let myself get that big...", 30 pounds ago though when I was at my all-time poundage high, I very distinctly remember my thought process changing. Instead of judging others who were bigger than me, I started to see myself as potentially being that size someday, SCARY!
I applaud you for your insightfulness, your willingness to change your way of thinking, and of course for this wonderful journey you're embarking on!
-Leah
Hi Leah!
ReplyDeleteThanks for your kind comment!
It helps to know that I'm not the only one who feels and thinks this way. It is certainly something I hope to change about myself, and it's nice to know I'm not alone.
It sounds like you are in the midst of your own incredible journey. Congratulations on already losing 30 pounds! That's a whole toddler! Please keep me updated on your continued progress - I'll be pulling for you.
Thanks Sarah! I have a blog here as well, but I only update periodically - I sometimes forget I have one (thanks ADHD)! If you're ever curious you can check it out. It's not something I share on Facebook because it's still kinda embarrassing for me, then again, being fat is embarrassing in itself. Will keep following you on your quest, perhaps I may even join in once I get my shit in order this week :D
DeleteYou're starting a movement Sarah! :D
Leah, I will definitely check out your blog. Don't be embarrassed - you should be thrilled with your progress. I am looking forward to updates!
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